Why I'm Here
by AlannaTorres
Summary: Setsuna is sent to find out why Mamoru broke up with Usagi and reveals more about herself than she plans. One-Shot, post Stars


Why I'm Here

By: AlannaTorres

Rating: T

Authors Note: I know that the legal drinking age in Japan is 20…but it needed to be 21 in order for this to work, so please forgive me. Takes place after Sailor Moon Stars.

Copyright: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi…I just like to play around with her characters.

***

"Setsuna! Over here!"

It was hard to miss Haruka Tenou in a crowd. Setsuna Meiou nodded in the tomboy's direction and pushed her way through the throngs of people lined up outside one of the newest-and hottest-nightclubs in Tokyo.

As she approached her roommate, Setsuna noticed that, despite the number of people, there was a circle around the tall blonde-and it was easy to see why.

Haruka's eyes were a cold steel, her arms crossed tight against her chest and her jaw clenched. She was a ball of angry energy just waiting to be released and Setsuna felt a slight twinge of pity for the poor sap who would end up being on the receiving end of that anger.

"He's in there?" She asked once she was near.

Haruka gave a jerky nod and bared her teeth. "Bastard took one look at me and fled into the club. I don't normally have a problem getting in, but the asshole bouncer is carding people." She glared in the direction of the bouncer. "Two more freaking months until I'm 21. I'm ready to World Shake his ass."

Setsuna managed a miniscule sigh. "I suppose you asked me down here to go in and get him."

"It would be helpful, yeah."

"Would you even bother asking him why he did it before you beat him?"

The younger woman looked offended at the question. "I don't care!" She cried, flinging out her arms and nearly knocking over a young girl, who glared but quickly scampered away when Haruka glared back. "Setsuna, that coward _broke up _with her-I don't care what he was thinking. I just want to pound on him for a while…then I might ask him why he did it."

"Mamoru must have a reason."

The Senshi of Wind fell silent and regarded Setsuna for a minute. "Maybe sending you in is the wrong approach. You don't seem like you're that upset about it. What do you know that we don't?"

"Nothing." Setsuna assured. "I just think that maybe we should find out why."

"I knew I should have called Motoki."

Despite herself, Setsuna smiled. "If you think it would help."

There was a pause as Haruka mulled the idea over. "No, he'd probably help Mamoru escape to America or something." She sighed and pointed to the club. "What are you waiting for?"

The Time Guardian tried hard not to roll her eyes as she turned away and headed for the front entrance. The bouncer was a large man who looked like he could have snapped Haruka in half with one hand-probably why Haruka hadn't been too eager to force her way in, though Setsuna wouldn't have put it past her.

Flipping some of her hair over her shoulder, she put on her best smile and reached into her purse to extract her ID. "Having a good night?" She asked politely.

The bouncer grunted as he scanned her card and stepped aside, allowing her to pass.

Inside the club was loud and packed. Setsuna took a second to orientate herself and focus on breathing. Large crowds were never really her thing, and they tended to make her a little claustrophobic-which was hardly surprising considering the nature of her duty at the Time Gate.

When she felt confident enough to move on, she did so, scanning those present for Mamoru Chiba. The music pounded from the speakers, the dance floor was crowded and the alcohol was in large supply. She ignored the glances she got from several of the men present and finally, she spotted him.

Mamoru sat alone in a small booth, nursing a beer and looking very small. Taking a breath, Setsuna squared her shoulders and moved towards him.

*******

Mamoru Chiba was not having a good night.

Then again, he hadn't had a great day, either.

He had been all prepared to head home after the fight, after the…he could barely think it…the break up, and drink himself into a stupor. That was before he saw Haruka barreling down the sidewalk towards him. In a moment of blind panic, he rushed into the nightclub, knowing that she couldn't follow him.

So he forgot his plan of getting plastered at home, and decided that the club would work out just fine. Then he planned on calling Motoki and having his friend come rescue him later.

A shadow fell over him then and he glanced up-and wished he hadn't.

Setsuna stood over him, her face calm and expressionless, as it always seemed to be. Mamoru wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

"You here to tell me that I've screwed up the future?" He finally heard himself ask and the right corner of her mouth raised just a smidgen.

"No."

The soft answer seemed loud over the noise and Mamoru frowned. "Did Haruka call you to come in and drag me out?"

"Yes."

She made no move to haul him out of his chair or anything, but then, Mamoru didn't know her well enough to judge. "You going to?" Instead of answering, she slipped into the empty chair across from him and stared at him. "Um…have a seat?"

Now her mouth curved into an almost smile as a waitress approached. "What can I get you?" She yelled over the noise and Setsuna waved a hand towards the beer that sat in front of Mamoru.

"Whatever he's having."

The waitress moved away and Mamoru arched an eyebrow. "You drink?"

"When the time calls for it."

The beer arrived a minute later and Setsuna took a sip. Then she set the glass down and looked away from him, gazing out over the crowd.

Mamoru sat there, unsure of what to do. He watched her eyes, saw them stare at the those around them, and then it was like he saw her eyes shift to something far away, something that he knew he could never understand.

It should have been an awkward silence, what with the music and the noise and the fact that he had no idea what to do next. Instead, he found that it was comfortable, just sitting there, watching her.

He took a long drink of his beer and shoved the empty glass away. The movement seemed to startle Setsuna out of her daze, as her eyes flickered away from the crowd and back to his face.

She didn't say anything, but Mamoru had a pretty good idea what she wanted to ask. So he sighed and leaned back in the booth, resting his head against the back. "I still love Usako."

What he said shouldn't have surprised him, but it did, and he suddenly felt ashamed. Of course he still loved Usagi-he couldn't imagine _not_ loving her. But things…had changed recently and even though he didn't want to, he had said the wrong thing, and she had taken it as exactly as it was meant to be taken, and the next thing he knew, there was fighting…

He realized then that several moments had passed and Setsuna hadn't said anything, just continued to watch him.

"I don't know what to say." He finally sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really."

She nodded and took another drink of her beer, then went back to studying the crowd on the dance floor.

The comfortable silence continued, and finally Mamoru couldn't help but ask, "Has the future changed because of this?"

Setsuna didn't look at him. "I wouldn't tell you even if it did."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. I guess it doesn't really matter, actually. Besides, it's not like this is a permanent thing-Usako and I have been through worse." Even as he said it, he remembered a few years back when he had purposefully broken up with Usagi to save her from getting hurt…that had been one of the hardest things he had ever done, and now...

Now he was doing it again.

Only difference was, this time he wasn't sure if they would ever get back together again.

Maybe beer hadn't been a good idea. He was considering ordering some tequila or sake when Setsuna spoke,

"You think you're going to end up back together?"

"I…I don't know."

"But you still love her."

"Yes."

Setsuna nodded slowly, her face unreadable. "But you don't want to be with her."

Mamoru groaned. "Stop making me sound like a monster."

"You're not a monster." Setsuna shot back. "Monsters we know how to deal with. This…this we don't know how to react. Haruka, Makoto and Rei want to beat you to a bloody pulp. Michiru and Minako want to boycott you ever coming back, Hotaru is confused and Ami is insisting that we don't know all the details."

None of that surprised him. "And you?"

She shrugged a little. "I don't know. I agree with Ami, but I'm also here just to listen. If you want to talk, that is."

"And if I just want to be left alone?"

"Then I'll leave you alone. I understand that sometimes you need to be alone to figure things out."

He almost told her to leave, but the words wouldn't come. Her presence was soothing, in a strange way, though he never would have considered talking with her when it came to any of his problems. Setsuna had this way about her that made her seem so…standoffish that it almost made her unapproachable.

And truthfully, Mamoru had always been just a little intimidated of her.

"Are you saying you're not mad at me?"

The question seemed to amuse her. "Oh, I am. We don't like it when our Princess gets hurt-and we really don't like the person who did the hurting. The only difference is I'm willing to listen to your side of the story."

At least she was being honest.

She continued to watch him and the impulse to spill everything to her almost overwhelmed Mamoru. But would she understand where he was coming from, what was going through his head? Perhaps not, but she was the first one to approach him without threatening to maim him. That had to count for something.

Still…

"I really don't want to talk about it now. Maybe after a few drinks."

Her dark eyes gazed at him intensely for a few moments, and then she shook her head in disgust. "I never thought of you as a coward, Mamoru. I guess I was wrong."

With that, she stood and made her way towards a back exit.

Mamoru watched her go and felt like the biggest bastard in the world.

******

Setsuna shoved open the door to the back alleyway and glanced around. She had gone this way to avoid running into Haruka, and the last thing she needed was the find the tomboy pacing in the alleyway.

The coast was clear, so she stepped through the door and into the cool November air. As she started to move down the alley, she allowed herself a small sigh. That had almost been a waste of time. At least he hadn't gotten angry enough to tell her to leave. Maybe she'd try later, when he wasn't intent on drinking his problems away.

The door she had just exited suddenly flew open. "Do you want to know what I did it?" His voice was loud in the alley and Setsuna gave him a look of disgust over her shoulder.

"Go get your drinking out of the way."

He glared at her. "Look, you came looking for an explanation. I have one."

She turned fully now to look at him, silent.

Mamoru took a few seconds, his hands clenching and unclenching as he considered what he would say to her. Finally, he cried, "Do I even get a choice? Do either of us get one?"

Setsuna arched an eyebrow, but waited for him to get it all out.

"I was sitting in a lecture hall yesterday and the thought hit me-why was I there? What would be the point of it, of me finishing out college or becoming a Doctor? It won't mean anything in the future. And then, last night, I thought-why rush into marriage? I know what's going to happen as soon as Usako and I go through with it-and then, it occurred to me-the whole future of this planet rests solely on us-like it revolves around us. But what if I don't want it to?"

He paused to take a breath-Setsuna still didn't speak, so he rushed on. "You can think me a coward, or that I'm being selfish. But I know what's going on in my head-and when I tried to explain it all to Usako, she took it to mean that I didn't want to get married-ever. But that's not exactly what I meant…I just wanted to put it off for a few years, to see if maybe…it maybe the future doesn't happen."

A sudden pain struck Setsuna and she drew in a sharp breath. "You…would give it all up?" Her voice sounded far away, and she faintly noticed Mamoru deflate a little.

"Give up what? The rule of a planet? A thousand years of sleep encased in ice? The invasion of the Black Moon? Yes." He stared at her for a beat. "I would have thought you would understand."

_Because you are the Guardian of Time_. He didn't have to say the words for her to hear them and a deep sadness overwhelmed her. "I thought you came to terms with what you would be in the future…"

He shook his head. "No, not really. I came to terms with the fact that Usako and I would always protect the Earth. I knew that I loved Usako and that, eventually, we were meant to get married. But I sort of shoved the whole ruling the planet thing aside…at least, I thought I had. Now it's all I can think about. The wedding is eight months away, and then a few years later…everything changes for good."

"It will be a better world."

"But it won't be the world we know." He was struggling to get his words out, to make her understand, but all she could feel was the cold tendril of isolation eating at her soul. He continued, unaware that what he was saying was affecting her so much. "Everyone I know has a goal in life-we all want to be something…but what's the point of having those dreams if we already know what the future holds in store for us? Do you think Makoto will be able to run a flower shop or Ami will be able to be a Doctor in the future? I've been there, Setsuna, I've seen it. Protecting Usako will be their life-everything else has to be shoved back, forgotten about. I can't…I don't want to be held responsible for that."

"The girls know what the future holds, and yet they don't run from it, but embrace it." She paused. "You are not responsible for any of that."

"Maybe not entirely. But you can't deny that we're part of the reason this world has seen the things they've seen."

It was really affecting him, she could see it in his eyes. Setsuna, however, could only focus on the pain it was causing her.

"What about Small Lady?"

Mamoru froze and his eyes widened a little. "She would still be our daughter-it would still work-"

At that moment, Setsuna truly hated her position as the Senshi of Time. She was the only one with rules, the only one who understood how time worked-and she couldn't tell anyone what she knew.

"Setsuna?"

She blinked at the sound of her name and was surprised to feel tears in her eyes. Mamoru had taken a step closer, a worried expression on his face. "Are you alright?" She tried to respond, but had no words. A brief flash of guilt clouded his expression. "Something has changed, hasn't it?"

Setsuna could only stare at him. She had a brief mental image of her slapping him and running to find Haruka, but in the end, knew it wouldn't solve anything.

And then the words came. "Do you know why I'm here?"

Guilt melted into confusion. "Haruka sent-"

"No, not at the club. Here, on Earth."

She attributed his sudden uncomfortable expression to the fact that he misunderstood and thought he'd have to explain the birds and the bees with the oldest living person he knew. Her soft sign made him realize that wasn't what she was looking for, so she continued.

"I'm here because of you and Small Lady."

Of course he would be confused. She took a few seconds to organize her thoughts.

"Before the ice takes over, I return to the Time Gate. For a thousand years, I wait, forgotten about, until Neo-Queen Serenity awakens the Earth. And then, one day, a small girl with pink hair finds her way to the Third Dimension-followed closely by her father."

He gaped at her as it sank in. "No one…no one knew about you before that? But…how is that-"

"Possible? Very simple. Mamoru, my existence has always been clouded in mystery-even during the Silver Millennium only Queen Serenity was aware of me. The same is true in the future. But when Small Lady came to me, it was you who allowed her to continue to come. Then, during the attack of the Black Moon, I died and was resurrected here and in that timeline to continue guarding the Gate in the future."

"But how…?"

"That's not important. It's very technical." She hesitated, then bit her lip, wondering if she should continue. Her emotions overruled her logic. "Please understand, Mamoru, I do respect your decision, even if I don't agree with it-you should have a choice in the matter. But…" Her voice cracked and she mentally cursed herself-now was not the time to be emotional! "The consequences of you not going through with this marriage…things may bode better for everyone-the future changes even now…but…I…"

She swallowed hard and looked away-his crystal blue eyes were starting to understand and she heard the words rush forth from her mouth before she could stop them.

"Whatever path you choose that's different from the one that you know…I won't be a part of it. I will continue to watch from the Time Gate, unable to interact, unable to…" It was getting harder to speak. Frustration was building up within her and she fought back the urge to flee. "So maybe I'm the selfish one." She managed to snap at him. "Maybe I'm sick of being the one who always has to be alone, who has rules and-" She stopped abruptly at the expression that flashed across Mamoru's face.

He looked stricken. "Setsuna…I had no idea-" He reached for her and she abruptly took a step back, even though she yearned to step into the embrace.

She was appalled at herself, and ashamed. Her image as always being the calm and collected one was shattered, and she had revealed far more than she ever intended on saying. More than that, she was humiliated-she had just yelled at her future King, and whether or not Mamoru chose to go down that timeline, Setsuna would always think of him as that.

But the thought of never being able to see or hold Small Lady, or watching the Royal Family from afar was too much to bear. Time would continue, and though she would watch her friends live their lives, she would never be able to interact with them ever again. And her time here in the present was drawing short, she could feel it.

Mamoru had drawn away when he saw her step back and something like pain flickered in his eyes. "I'm sorry." He said softly and Setsuna ran a hand over her eyes.

"No, forgive me." She drew a deep breath. "What I have to say should not impact your decision. It is, after all, your life. I have no right to tell you what to do."

"No." He said quietly. "I suppose you don't." His eyes went past her and faraway for a moment. Setsuna felt the future warp and relief as she'd never known flooded through her body. His eyes came back to her. "You already know what I'm going to do."

"I have an idea." She paused. "Mamoru…I hope that you're not doing this because…" She tried to say 'because of me' but the words wouldn't come.

He heard it anyway.

"No." The simple statement made Setsuna want to both laugh and cry. Laugh because it was the right answer, and cry because, deep down, she wished it weren't. "I always knew the end result. I guess…I guess today was just a bad day. I just took it too far."

Despite herself, Setsuna smiled. "I suppose that's one way of looking at it."

He answered her smile with one of his own. "Thanks, Setsuna. I, um…" He fumbled for words, and finally settled on, "you know, if you ever feel like talking…" He let the rest of the sentence trail off and Setsuna shook her head.

"I won't."

Her honest answer startled him. "Oh…um…"

"But thank you for the offer." She nodded towards the door leading back into the club. "You might want to go back in for a few minutes while I distract Haruka. She's probably still guarding the front door."

She didn't give him time to respond before she turned on heel and headed down the alley towards the street.

"There you are!" Haruka cried when she spotted Setsuna. Her eyes glanced around her. "So? Where is he?"

"On his way to Usagi."

Haruka blinked a few times and her eyebrows came together. "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Huh." The tomboy actually looked impressed. "Well. Maybe we should send you in to mediate all of our arguments."

Setsuna gave her a rueful smile. "No, I don't think I'd like that much."

"Probably not. Did you tell him that if he pulls a stunt like that again, we'd kill him?"

"No." She paused, thinking of a good quick lie to tell her friend. "But I did infer apocalyptic events will occur should he decide to take that road again."

"They will?" Setsuna responded by giving Haruka a half-smile. Haruka grumbled. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"Fine. Keep your secrets. Wanna get some dinner?"

It was absurdly funny thing to say after the events of the evening, and Setsuna couldn't help but laugh. "Yes. Yes, I would like that very much."

"Great. I'll call Michiru and Hotaru-see if they're up for it, too. Come on, cars over here."

As she trailed after Haruka, Setsuna couldn't help but feel that, at least for the night, all was finally right with the world. It was a nice feeling.


End file.
